Scala Groovy Perl Kotlin Clojure JavaScript Python Java PowerShell Go Ruby C# R PHP Shell
Need help with hacker-scripts?
Click the “chat” button below for chat support from the developer who created it, or find similar developers for support.
NARKOZ

Description

Based on a true story

40.3K Stars 6.4K Forks 148 Commits 66 Opened issues

Services available

Need anything else?

English | 简体中文

Hacker Scripts

Based on a true story:

xxx: OK, so, our build engineer has left for another company. The dude was literally living inside the terminal. You know, that type of a guy who loves Vim, creates diagrams in Dot and writes wiki-posts in Markdown... If something - anything - requires more than 90 seconds of his time, he writes a script to automate that.

xxx: So we're sitting here, looking through his, uhm, "legacy"

xxx: You're gonna love this

xxx:

smack-my-bitch-up.sh
- sends a text message "late at work" to his wife (apparently). Automatically picks reasons from an array of strings, randomly. Runs inside a cron-job. The job fires if there are active SSH-sessions on the server after 9pm with his login.

xxx:

kumar-asshole.sh
- scans the inbox for emails from "Kumar" (a DBA at our clients). Looks for keywords like "help", "trouble", "sorry" etc. If keywords are found - the script SSHes into the clients server and rolls back the staging database to the latest backup. Then sends a reply "no worries mate, be careful next time".

xxx:

hangover.sh
- another cron-job that is set to specific dates. Sends automated emails like "not feeling well/gonna work from home" etc. Adds a random "reason" from another predefined array of strings. Fires if there are no interactive sessions on the server at 8:45am.

xxx: (and the oscar goes to)

fucking-coffee.sh
- this one waits exactly 17 seconds (!), then opens a telnet session to our coffee-machine (we had no frikin idea the coffee machine is on the network, runs linux and has a TCP socket up and running) and sends something like

sys brew
. Turns out this thing starts brewing a mid-sized half-caf latte and waits another 24 (!) seconds before pouring it into a cup. The timing is exactly how long it takes to walk to the machine from the dudes desk.

xxx: holy sh*t I'm keeping those

Original: http://bash.im/quote/436725 (in Russian)
Pull requests with other implementations (Python, Perl, Shell, etc) are welcome.

Usage

You need these environment variables:

# used in `smack-my-bitch-up` and `hangover` scripts
TWILIO_ACCOUNT_SID=ACxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
TWILIO_AUTH_TOKEN=yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

used in kumar_asshole script

[email protected] GMAIL_PASSWORD=password

For Ruby scripts you need to install gems:

gem install dotenv twilio-ruby gmail

Cron jobs

# Runs `smack-my-bitch-up.sh` monday to friday at 9:20 pm.
20 21 * * 1-5 /path/to/scripts/smack-my-bitch-up.sh >> /path/to/smack-my-bitch-up.log 2>&1

Runs hangover.sh monday to friday at 8:45 am.

45 8 * * 1-5 /path/to/scripts/hangover.sh >> /path/to/hangover.log 2>&1

Runs kumar-asshole.sh every 10 minutes.

*/10 * * * * /path/to/scripts/kumar-asshole.sh

Runs fucking-coffee.sh hourly from 9am to 6pm on weekdays.

0 9-18 * * 1-5 /path/to/scripts/fucking-coffee.sh


Code is released under WTFPL.

We use cookies. If you continue to browse the site, you agree to the use of cookies. For more information on our use of cookies please see our Privacy Policy.